The Infamous Indian Subcontinent’s Colorful Festivals

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*This page was updated on August 10th, 2019.

A Brief History Of Me As A Child

As you know I was born in the 1980s and have my first memories filled with laughter, lovely gazes from grownups and friendly stray pets coming inside our house, and squishy hugs from my big sisters who have blessings of their own today. There was no television and no internet and I spent my time learning tough life lessons through my two big sisters who were tough, but kind teachers. During that time I would write. I was not much of a reader until I entered school myself and learned how to read. Odd, yes, but, I think I learned how to write before I learned how to read. My two twin sisters were my closest friends and we timeshared grandparents so our grandparents were the second circle of closest friends.

Since I belonged from a royal family, I had the best upbringing money could buy. I traveled the world while working on media projects, met the smartest individuals, and made friends who brought the best gossip and stray dogs and cats from the corners of Islamabad inside our house.

And…

Then at 5, my life turned upside down. I was kidnapped (along with other girls and women, thank God) and was disconnected from the surface of the earth for over a year. I was the only girl out of the millions of girls, women, and grandmothers trapped and negotiated the terms of our release and thus, suffered almost every assault imaginable. At age five. I remember knowing I had little boy cousins so I wasn’t worried about them. Just the girls and women, I told myself. During the months we were all tortured emotionally, physically, and assaulted, sexually. The Mormons/Hindus/Buddhists aka leppers who kidnapped us were women in a gendered way, but highly “regulated” due to the antibiotics and hormones they were taking after their cosmetic surgeries. We were forced to watch sexual acts performed in front of us because they (yes millions of leppers) fear me & know what I am capable of. I am proud to say not one woman got killed or raped during our time with the kidnappers.

One curious memory I remember is the second time that I was driven to China. While I made a road trip there in 1985 with my Chinese friends, it was a very different experience in 1988. This time around I had been kidnapped and felt responsible for the lives of many women held hostage in The Indian Subcontinent. The war in 1988 got so bad that the women were terrified of hearing bombs, bombshells, gunshots, and dealing with lepper stupidity. Many attempted to end their lives by any means. Others tried to negotiate prematurely with terms such as rape, murder, beatings or starvation. One wanted to be locked in that room that I used to get locked in. I don’t know. Among many things, Gina and I were responsible for keeping the girls bodily safe during wartime, which does not include torture legally. The road trip was made when Gina and I began physically abusing our torturers in exchange for a way out each city (see here). We were pretty lucky as the women (53, I remember by this time) made our way to China in US Army trucks. Mostly my family, the Vanderbilt’s, and the Windsor’s took that journey into China/Vietnam that was painful to see in “epic proportions”. We took turns sleeping, but I stayed up the entire 75 hours it took to get to Beijing where we spent the rest of our 1988. While, many would assume we witnessed crime and war scenes, I saw something even more painful. The Chinese roads, freeways, and bridges (via China Silk Road) were stacked with emeralds, sapphires, rubies and I actually saw rivers of gold in China I told Gina I thought I died and went to heaven. There were no trees. The driver responded, “baby, you are in heaven”. I said, “thank you” and went to him and he died. Just like that.

There were the most curious sexual rituals performed by Mormons where someone found a man with a penis and he raped many Hindu lepper in front of us, including two who called themselves my coworker and cousins. I had the governments take care of this guy by letting him impregnate leppers for the last 30 years in untraditional ways Many of the kidnappers looked like men with female gender parts aka hermadophites (LBGT are their sexual terms). I remember waterboarding happening to me, the other girls, and women. My only absolution would be for readers to look the other way when someone complains about terrorists being waterboarded or killed. They rightfully deserved this treatment. The water during waterboarding is dirty with insects in it and unpredictable in two ways. The room is very dark with a table lamp placed anywhere the torturer feels like putting it. They also set aside a tub with mud if they feel sexually frustrated and need to get the feels out by torturing us into fearing nothing.

Towards the end, we experienced rituals of self-killing, mutilation, and murder. There is a killing festival in July, August, and September, mind you. I was locked in a glass coffin filled with insects ONE time so I could witness these rituals. I was curious once. This was particularly horrendous and a group of “us” tried to escape twice, but we were “caught” quickly. Other ridiculous techniques applied even to me was waxing and application of horrid makeup. They loved putting makeup on me. Utterly confused by this BTW other than thinking they were confused we had features…

Also, during this time (I am thinking five months in) we began to see the symptoms of leprosy. When they saw how horrified we all were by the way they looked they began making us feel ugly. Some of the most ridiculous and offensive things I had to endure was listening to the names of eyeball colors and I had to pick one only to be told it is not true. And then being DOUSED by water trickling down from a steel or plastic bucket. Then once someone brought in a tuning fork and a singing bowl and I was very peeved.

After we were rescued, more traumatic things continued happening to me. Our soldiers were dying in millions alongside American soldiers. We both were fighting the Taliban (How did they become so powerful? I had asked.). The only conclusion I can draw is that the stupid plastic surgeons who visited us and kept visiting The Indian SubContinent were performing cosmetic surgeries “free of cost! (really?)” making it really hard to differentiate between a healthy Muslim, Christian, a Jew, and a lying lepper. And then those baseless polytheist’s rumors that stop you in your tracks and you experience an existential crisis. The whole situation compounded into a disaster when these leppers started reproducing in millions trying to get a boy! Anyways… “Hindus suddenly from “Hindustan”” began tormenting me and all the Muslims in Pakistan. They even began saying that they have split Islam and Pakistan and half of it is there’s.

Around the end of June, another course of the torture was introduced-negotiations. It was pretty brutal as we were told that our torturers were now FBI Agents And CIA Agents wanting why we were accusing Americans of bombing Pakistan/India/Afghanistan. Gina Haspel and Myself were put forward in almost every session where we were recorded, videotaped, and tortured afterwards. The point was to negotiate scandals and news stories once my investments fell through. Before the sessions, we were tied with ropes, blindfolded, and put in a dark room separately. I only remember me, Gina, my sisters, and an Asian Lady being in these sessions. They even brought in puppies, kitties, chickens, hens, and others they kidnapped for the Yulin calendar that we had to take care of because we were in a prison and we had to work there.

These are five remaining memories of the sessions and will be updated periodically:

  1. Sex videos-Paris, Gina, Halibat, and Sana.
  2. There is a lepper calendar I made after a negotiations session to get myself out of watching future sex festivals. Yes. This was also the time when they brought in chicken blood and ran around screaming, talking, hushing, and whispering.
  3. A room where my 5 sisters were brought in to negotiate: Buildings- Malaysia, Burj Khalifa, Some tree….lending tree… the ocean… a rock… a mountain tha.. Ground tha… “it is dirt” me. I killed this group because wars I do not negotiate. They apparently did this regardless. Apparently everything was to be blamed to Muslims. And they confessed they were angry at “their” American government. Bullshit, I think so. My sisters and I were tortured separately after the sessions, but put together afterwards to be reunited with Gina and other women. I remember this happening twice only.
  4. Negotiation process Nixon tapes and documents “couplings” and clippings of Hitler from FBI files and CIA files and they accused General Zia aka Albert Einstein, my grandfather that he was Hitler because they looked similar.
  5. Wanted to negotiate scandals of past, present, and future Presidents. September 11th, Mueller Case, and Russian Collusion was not made in Pakistan. It was very much created in The United States.
  6. Negotiated murder stories of Laci, That Clinton Gurl, umm.. Laci Peterson, Annexi, Annie, Paula, Laci Anderson (“Peterson?”) Katie (happy!), Stop. Stauffer. “Mila”?

During that time my physical features changed and the entire nation of Pakistan who was thought to have the most beautiful people in the world became brown-eyed and brunettes (what?). We were made fun of that as well. In 1988 the biggest blow was when traditional media aka the print newspapers and television news shows announced in a panic that my grandfather, General Zia-ul-Haq (aka Albert Einstein) was murdered by Americans when he was traveling. For two months we couldn’t find him and we didn’t know what to do. When he returned from an official trip in Austria he was “legally” overthrown by a successor and rendered unofficial. And if anyone did anything against this ‘reality’ the incremental surge of Hindus at the time will rage war against Pakistan. Thus, started a civil war that resulted in The Democratic Country of Pakistan’s state of India be a Hindu majority. Read more on this. The media churned out stories that India was a separate country and it is beautiful and Hindus are the brightest smartest people on the planet when in reality they are lepers. I am not even going to explain what the US media was reporting. Recently, it came to my attention that Hindu Indians have been traveling to Germany, the United States, and China aka Vietnam on American passports and just staying. Did we learn about this on traditional media? No. So yes, the same situation Pakistan handled in the 1980s and 1990s, these countries handed recently TODAY.

The lessons I have learned from my experience in Pakistan, a country I am very close to, is never trust a Hindu/Mormon/Buddhist and always hold on to your culture, traditions, and values. So today, I want to teach the children of the world what we observe in Pakistan.

Letters To The UN:

Accusation # 1: We are brown so we were tortured and bombed. Vietnam the same thing.

1988 baby boom Accusation # 2: they were killing in 1982 because we had babies.

Impunity -slapping your fuck issues on us.

Impinging- not believing us. 6/25/2019 12:35 pm. 

A Vulture Day? 7/26/2019. A Doctor Day? 7/25/2019.

The Festivals, Holidays, And The Wedding Procession

Some of the first festivals that sprung up were based on Pakistani folklore of Laila Majnu, Krishna, Radha, Laxshmi, Ranjha, Shahzada Saleem and Anarkali. Another folklore that became famous was of Umrao Jaan, the famous Mughal courtesan.

The Muslim or Hijri Calendar: The Democratic Country of Pakistan with our Muslim friends in The Middle East created this calendar to mark occasions celebrating time-honored festivals and occasions that celebrate only nature and the animal kingdom. Before the lunar Hijri Calendar was created, the Muslim World followed The Gregorian Calendar religiously. Check out my page HERE.

Pakistan’s Spring And Summer Festivals: Animal Shows. Puppet Shows. Zoos. Basant because Pakistan won The Nobel Peace Prize. The colorful kites represented all the girls. Basant and Diwali were made with boys who couldn’t fight in the battles in Pakistan because they were too young (by the way a friend told me it was because of barbaric load shedding aka all the blackouts Pakistan has/had and girls needed a little break). Diwali became an anytime holiday then, but I think the perfect time is late summer. Holi (for goats so they don’t get scared of Eid-ul-Adha because I actually saw a goat cry because of a Hindu mongering it with “Muslims eat meat!”). Another holiday that can be celebrated anytime is Karwa Chauth which was started to remind girls of their beauty, encourage little girls to not be scared of Ramadan, and to fast as well (children are allowed to fast from age seven in Islam). The idea of romance was added to Karwa Chauth to show the love and appreciation of the Holy Prophet (Muhammed PBUH).  

Pakistan’s Independence Day: I suggest we do not eliminate separate Republic days since they were made due to the extreme overpopulation of Hindus we sent to the one end of the country. They were lepers and terrorizing the kids, women, and killing our men with suicide bombers and personal attacks so we just created slums for them and FORCED them in there. The crap the media was saying about Pakistan and Muslims, the United States was paying us to keep the stupid Hindus in India, but really allowing them to travel to the United States. I was shook! Kedarnath or a wedding is a food festival for animals. According to a Bollywood legend, all who are in The Indian Subcontinent must travel north to feast with the animals or at least watch. We wanted all these festivals to be official holidays, but Imran Khan who was a local hero during my twelve years in Pakistan said no because they were not Muslim festivals. He said he did love our enthusiasm so he added that we do monthly Polo Festivals in the North so people travel up North more. First.   

Muslim Religious Holidays: Ramadan, Eid-ul-Fitr, Eid-ul-Adha, Chaand Raat Bazaar, Eid bazaars, Rabi-al-Awwal (the whole MONTH dedicated to Prophet Muhammed PBUH’s BIRTHDAY celebration). Christmas Eve and Christmas. New Year’s Eve.

Chaand Raat is the night before Eid when Muslims actually spot the little crescent moon in the sky. Readers remember, Eid-ul-Fitr technically is on the third of the month. And globally Eid-ul-Adha is set according to the Arab law and calendar.

During Ramadan Muslims look at the sight of moon to track the lunar calendar without actually having to use a lunar planner. This means that Muslims have an idea when Eid-ul-Fitr will fall that year. In the last days of Ramadan, the moon completely disappears. Then after the night of the Dark Moon and New Moon, a little sliver of the silver moon appears in the evening sky and Muslims know that Eid-ul-Fitr is the following morning. It is really difficult to spot the moon in the United States with all the trees and houses and curved rooftops so here my family and I look at our local Islamic Center for advice. They even have websites.

Eid-ul-Adha is completely regulated by the Arabs since it falls ten days after the commencement of Hajj, the Muslim annual pilgrimage to Mecca and Medina. The idea is that when Muslims end their Hajj, the rest of the Muslim world celebrates with them. It is a pretty remarkable occasion. Read about my last Eid-ul-Adha in Pakistan (See HERE and HERE).

Pakistan’s Wedding: See a previous post HERE.

FYI! polytheist festivals: Rajab, Kunde, Niyaz (and Karwa Chawt which was also adopted by these religious groups) is a Hindu concept with names all based on stories stemmed from meat and how disgusting it is. I said okay. Mayoun-never.