The Infamous Indian Subcontinent’s Colorful Festivals

b931422c40d0dfe0aa2e0f8b2b3d8d62

*This post was edited on April 7th, 2019.

Introduction

Good morning and a wonderful Sunday to you. I feel such a high right now since I spent a lovely day with family yesterday even though afterward “I feel out of it”. The sun was a perfect yellow and the temperature was humid and breezy at the same time. Spring flowers were blooming and I had never seen so many monarch butterflies in my entire life flying around cars and toying with them. This morning I have a relaxed day planned outside and hope today mimics the perfection that was yesterday. 

A Brief History Of Me As A Child

As you know I was born in the 1980s and have my first memories filled with laughter, lovely gazes from grownups and friendly stray pets coming inside our house, and squishy hugs from my big sisters who have blessings of their own today. There was no television (no internet) and I spent the time learning tough life lessons through my two big sisters who were tough, but the kindest teachers, and playing with stray dogs and cats that would walk up and sit on my bed. During that time I would write. I was not much of a reader until I entered school myself and learned how to read. Odd, yes, but, I think I learned how to write before I learned how to read. My two sisters who are the same age as me were my closest friends and we shared grandparents so they were the second circle of closest friends.

Since I belonged from a royal family, I had the best upbringing money could buy. I traveled the world while working on media projects that I thought were fun, met the smartest individuals, and hoards of friends who would bring the best gossip and stray dogs and cats from the corners of Islamabad into our house.

And…

Then around 5 and 6, my life turned upside down. I was kidnapped (along with other girls and women, thank God) and was disconnected from my parents & grandparents for over two months. I remember knowing I had little boy cousins so I wasn’t worried about my aunts and uncles. During this time we were tortured emotionally & physically. The Hindus/Mormons/Buddhists aka leppers who kidnapped us were women in a gendered way but highly “regulated” due to the antibiotics and hormones they were taking after their cosmetic surgeries. Many looked like men with female gender parts aka hermadophites (lbgt are sexual terms). Besides the torture I have described to my readers in the previous posts, I also am remembering waterboarding happening to me, the other girls, and the women. My only absolution would be for my readers to look the other way when someone complains about terrorists being waterboarded. They totally deserve this treatment. The water is dirty and there are insects in it. The room is very dark. They also set aside a tub with mud if they feel sexually frustrated and need to get the feels out by torturing us into fearing “nothing”.

After we escaped and then rescued, more traumatic things continued happening to me. Our soldiers were dying in millions alongside American soldiers. We both were fighting the Taliban (How did they become so powerful? I had asked.). The only conclusion I can draw is that the stupid “plastic” surgeons who visited us and kept visiting The Indian SubContinent were performing cosmetic surgeries “free of cost! (really?)” making it really hard to differentiate between a healthy Muslim, Christian, and Jew and a lepper. And then those baseless polytheist’s rumors that stop you in your tracks & you experience an existential crisis, unlike any occurrence. The whole situation compounded into a disaster when these leppers started reproducing in millions trying to get a boy! Anyways… “Hindus suddenly from “Hindustan”” began tormenting me and all the Muslims in Pakistan. They even began saying that they have split Islam and Pakistan and half of it is there’s.

During that time my physical features changed and the entire nation of Pakistan who was thought to have the most beautiful people in the world became brown-eyed and brunettes. We were made fun of that as well. In 1988 the biggest blow was when traditional media aka the print newspapers and television news shows illegally announced that my grandfather, General Zia-ul-Haq (aka Albert Einstein) was murdered by Americans when he was traveling. For two months we couldn’t find him and we didn’t know what to do. When he returned from an official trip in Austria he was “legally” overthrown by a successor and rendered unofficial. And if anyone did anything against this ‘reality’ Hindus will rage war against Pakistan. Thus, started a civil war that resulted in The Democratic Country of Pakistan’s state of India be a Hindu majority. The media churned out stories that India was a separate country and it is beautiful and Hindus are the brightest smartest people on the planet when in reality they are lepers. I am not even going to explain what the US media was reporting. Recently, it came to my attention that Hindu Indians have been traveling to Germany, the United States, and China aka Vietnam on visitor visas and just staying. Did we learn about this on traditional media? No. So yes, the same situation Pakistan handled in the 1980s and 1990s, these countries are handing TODAY.

The lessons I have learned from my experience in Pakistan, a country I am very close to, is never trust a Hindu and always hold on to your culture, traditions, and values. So today, I want to teach the children of the world what we observe in Pakistan.

The “Fun” Background Story

When Jack Dorsey and his brothers invented the camera (yes!) and licensed it to traditional media, they also licensed it to me and my family through which we created the Bollywood industry. While my sisters were busy with their modeling and singing careers, I veered off-the-course I was following and began filming as different Bollywood actresses. I just danced in costumes with the Vanderbilts and we didn’t know what we were going to do with these dances and songs. It wasn’t until I earned a Nobel Peace Prize in “1989” that I realized the impact I was making for the Muslim community in Pakistan. In case you need a run-down of what I did during the first 7 years of life, here it goes:

  1. Wrote songs
  2. Modeled and sang as a backup singer
  3. Became different Bollywood actresses
  4. Became Mila, the smart girl.
  5. Went to school and everything went to hell.

It Was Bollywood

As you may recall from posts ages ago, Pakistan was pretty boring when I was born. Yes, I am not forgetting I am a triplet. When I worked with the Vanderbilts and my family on creating the Bollywood industry it was literally an explosion- much like the internet exploded in the United States in the 1990s. Half the time, I was confused about whether I was famous or just pretty. I still am. Sorry. For this clarification, check out what I looked like:

  1. Baby to a year- blond & blue eyes  
  2. Year to two years – Red hair and blue-green eyes.
  3. Three years – brunette & blue-green eyes. Karishma Kapoor and Aishwarya Rai. The first Bollywood song I recorded and danced on April 16th, 1984 in front of the camera.
  4. Four years – brown hair & fluctuation between brown and green eyes. Kareena Kapoor.
  5. Five years onward – full-time brunette & brown eyes after the torture, of course.  

So after the gossip about Bollywood and the costumes and dancing I was doing, the Pakistani Muslim people literally made up festivals and words. Some of the first festivals that sprung up were based on Pakistani folklore of Laila Majnu, Krishna, Radha, and Ranjha, Shahzada Saleem and Anarkali. Another folklore that became famous was of Umrao Jaan, the famous Mughal courtesan. This is me (see HERE) digitized by Jack Dorsey. 

*While Lollywood stayed true to the Muslim roots by conservatively showing only Eid-ul-Adha, Eid-ul-Fitr, and Nikkah occasions in a family setting, Bollywood was opulent, became magnanimous, and a multi-billion dollar global industry. Each entertainment industry of Pakistan had a separate goal defined by me and Imran Khan, the current Prime Minister of Pakistan. Once the war broke out in 1988 in The Democratic Country of Pakistan, I chose to take my dances and songs and turn them into a live-action memorial for all the Muslim soldiers and men we lost during the war. Simple to understand, but heartbreaking. Ask questions and I will update the post in the future.

The Festivals, Holidays, And The Wedding Procession

Pakistan’s Other Festivals: Animal Shows. Puppet Shows. Zoos. Holi (for goats so they don’t get scared of Eid-ul Adha because I actually saw a goat cry because of a Hindu mongering it with “Muslims eat meat!”). Karwa Chauth started to encourage little girls to not be scared of Ramadan and fast as well (children are allowed to fast from age 7 in Islam). The idea of romance was added to Karwa Chauth to show our love and appreciation of the Prophet (Muhammed PBUH). 

Pakistan’s Spring & Summer Festivals: Animal Shows. Puppet Shows. Zoos. Basant because Pakistan won The Nobel Peace Prize. The kites represented all the girls. 

*Separate Internet festivals were proposed by Abhishek Bachan. RIP.  when there was such a buzz about it. lol 

**Basant and Diwali were made by the boys who couldn’t fight in the battles in Pakistan because they were so young (btw Jack Dorsey told me it was because of load shedding aka blackouts Pakistan has/had). Diwali became an anytime holiday then. 

*We wanted all these festivals to be official holidays, but Imran Khan who was a local hero at the time said no because they are technically not Muslim festivals. He said he did love our enthusiasm so he added that we do monthly Polo Festivals in the North so people travel up North more.

Pakistan’s Independence Day: I suggest we eliminate separate Republic days since they were made due to the extreme overpopulation of Hindus we sent to the one end of the country. They were lepers and terrorizing the kids, women, and killing our men with suicide bombs and attacks so we just created slums for them and FORCED them there. And for the crap the media was saying about Pakistan and Muslims, the United States was paying us to keep the stupid Hindus in India, but really allowing them to travel to the United States. Imagine today how flawed this plan was. This is me.   

Muslim Religious Holidays: Ramadan, Eid-ul-Fitr, Eid-ul-Adha, Chaand Raat Bazaar, Eid bazaars, Rabi-al-Awwal (the whole MONTH dedicated to Prophet Muhammed PBUH’s BIRTHDAY celebration). Christmas Eve and Christmas. New Years Eve.   

Pakistan’s Wedding: See a previous post HERE

FYI! polytheist festivals: Rajab, Kunde, Niyaz (& Karwa Chawt was also adopted by this religious group) is a Hindu concept with names all based on stories stemmed from meat and how disgusting it is.